The Void

Everyone has one.. I surely do… The loss of my father has proved to be the biggest most painful void of my life thus has. There has been nothing that has shaken me so deeply before. I have so many unanswered questions, so many things I wish I could have said.. that I didn’t because it wasnt the time.

 

The hole in my life is huge. I am still overcome with grief to the point that it is paralyzing. It has been just over 18 months, and I am far from patient. I want the pain to be over. Last night was another night when I was lost in the grief.. so deeply that I could barely find myself in it. With the children away, I have minimal obvious distraction. So the pain and the grief feel like they are swallowing me alive.

We hung a picture he painted this week in the dining room. It is a sense of comfort and sadness all at the same time. To look get lost in the blurs of color and light house, the memories of a simpler time when all I had to be was Daddy’s little girl.  From the first time I saw this painting, it looked familiar, like I had been there before.

The void.. the emptiness that is in my life … I must find a way to fill it.

~ by growthdance on September 18, 2008.